As the leaves rustled, she moved closer to the tunnel. She felt scared and nerves at the same time. Isabel knew that she had to help her friend. She had never been under so much pressure. She felt that every second she stood there, Millie, her friend, would be stuck in there trying to escape. Isabel stood there and stood there deciding what to do, and at the end of it all she had it. She would go and get someone to help maybe her Mum or her Dad whatever one she got Isabel new it was the right chose.
Hi Mackenzie, thank you for entering the 100WC this week, there are almost 1500 entries so far!
What I like about your work...
You have created tension in your writing.
You have used some interesting vocabulary too.
What I would love to see next time...
You have punctuated the first part of your writing brilliantly, but the last part was difficult to follow due to lack of punctuation. Remember to take a few minutes to read your story out loud, it's a sure way to find out if it flows.
Well done and keep writing. :)
Mrs Tucker (100WC Team)
Wirral, UK.
Reply
Team100WC Jackie
12/2/2014 03:32:29 pm
Hi Mackenzie. Thanks for sharing your creative response to this prompt. There is a tension that makes me as the reader desperately want to read on! I wonder though if you rushed a little toward the end? You have missed some basic spelling and punctuation which I'm sure you will see when you re-read your work. My class often read their work to a tree before they publish. This may sound odd, but a tree is non-judgmental and if you read exactly what you have written, not what you THINK you have written, you will hear your writing voice and be able to recraft your work.
I look forward to reading more of your work.